Day 26: Asahna Puja Day

I woke up pretty tired today, but it is a Buddhist holiday so I was even more excited than usual to go for alms. Today is the anniversary of the Buddha's first dharma talk in Deer Park exactly 5,600 years ago. Many unfamiliar villagers gave food for the special day and the cart got so heavy that my friend had to help push it with me. It started sprinkling while we walked, but thankfully the skies stayed clear for us. The humidity meant snails and I enjoyed looking for them on the side of the road.

Snails and garbage on the side of the road

Stray cat with beautiful blue eyes

This dog has some serious utters...

The Buddhasavika Foundation - the organization of this temple encouraging women’s participation in Buddhism - invited women to a four day retreat during the Buddhist holidays. They all wore the same white uniforms (the one I never got) and shoulder shawls. Big ornate hairclips seem to be in style here because many of them wore them to pull back their hair. I guessed most of them were in their 20s. Even though they wore laypeople outfits, they were being treated like guests, so I made sure to push the cart and let them take the food from the bhikkhunis. I needed some help near the end though when the cart got too heavy for just me to push.

 

The visitors helping out during alms round

After breakfast, my computer would not connect to the internet so I worked on a transcription in the library and fell asleep when I put my head down on the table. I gained full consciousness again around 9:30 am and noticed the internet still did not work, which meant no skype again today. Afternoon chanting was much more crowded than usual with the women from the retreat and the visitors for the holiday. I had never seen so much food on the table throughout my stay as today. I tried a bunch of new foods and ate with two women and a man who speak some English. Someone asked me if I came from France, not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not.

The people visiting make the atmosphere much livelier, but I did not foresee waiting to take a shower. I had a breech in my ziploc bag security during dinner tonight: an army of ants marched up my temporarily unprotected Skippy’s peanut butter jar. Some managed to get to the top and jump in, which seemed kind of stupid. It seemed like the same idea as climbing a volcano and jumping into the hole. Anyways, peanut butter is expensive here as an import (over 5 dollars for a jar), so I was not letting this ants waste the rest of my jar. It was still half full! So I scooped out the ants stuck in the PB like quicksand and made sure no ants remained in the jar before finally making my sandwich.

Evening chanting started at 6:30 pm tonight instead of 7 and a bhikkhuni chanted some unfamiliar Pali verses. I had a hard time concentrating and spaced out for a bit. The chants were more difficult tonight since we do not practice them every day, but my back did not have to struggle through a dharma talk. A woman who comes every weekend took my hand and led me outside the temple. 

A couple volunteers gave everyone each a yellow candle, 3 incense sticks, and flowers made out of leaves. We lit the candles and incense and followed the Bhikkhunis and samaneris around the vihara. 

 My candle, incense sticks, and flowers

Attempted picture of the Bhikkhunis without flash

We circled the building three times clockwise (Siddharta’s mother had a dream that an elephant circled her 3 times before impregnating her) and chanted the praise to the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha. Luckily, I have those verses memorized. We walked slowly and carefully: the candles were our only light in the darkness of the night and the breeze kept blowing them out as we rounded the corners. Even though the ceremony symbolized a celebration rather than a memorial, it reminded me very much of the Luminaria ceremony for Relay for Life. At the end, we stuck our candles on a table in front of the big Buddha statue. 

All of our candles

Next, we went to the vihara of the Medicine Buddha and did our chant 108 times. Venerable Dhammananda did not attend, but more people attended than usual due to the holiday. One of the Bhikkhunis speaks English well and she translated the stories of what made each person happy that day. Finally, I went back to my room and I almost did not go back down to the bathroom, but I am glad I did! I saw both big geckos together for the first time on the wall. I also heard some scurrying on the roof above me and when I looked up, I saw the fury belly of a rat as it climbed from one panel to the next. RATS! And many of them from the sound of it. I wondered what animals left the droppings in the library and other buildings when I cleaned them. At least the mystery has been solved.

Day 25: A farang trying to fit in

When I woke up today, it smelled strongly of the pig farms nearby. I had a flashback to the first morning here when I woke up and thought bluntly, "it smells like sh*t." Now I think, “the pig odor is strong today”, which shows how much my mental processing has changed while here. Everything seems easier to handle when I simply observe, rather than judge. I still lack mindfulness at times. In morning chanting, I got scolded for not closing the door as the last one in the room. I know the rule, but it just slipped my mind today. Venerable came to morning chanting, which does not usually happen. As she left, she came over and straightened my back. I had started to slouch from my back pain and I felt a bit embarrassed that she corrected my slouching.

At breakfast, the cook told me to start serving the rice, but then Venerable told me to wait because not everyone was seated. Between the Thai that I cannot understand and the mixed signals from different authority figures, even small activities can be a bit overwhelming. I tried a Thai pastry that looked like a croissant with some Thai filling. I enjoyed it and apparently one of the dogs did too because I saw her snacking on one underneath a table. I don't know what the filling was, but I no longer question the food. The answer tends to be rice, coconut, palm sugar, or beans, so I just assume one of those now.

Afterwards we had a short lesson in Thai. At 8:15 am, I got excited to finally videochat with my mom since I had both the time and internet. Unfortunately, the internet quickly shut down as the electricity went out in the office...and apparently the whole complex since my fan and light did not work in my room. I had 53 seconds left on my emergency call card and I used about 30 to let my mom know about the power failure. I sat outside in the shade and then took a nap before lunch.

When I passed the library, I saw some samaneris cleaning the high windows, so I went inside and helped them. I realized this was my 5^th round of cleaning the library. I am always impressed by the stamina of the Thai women as they do work in their robes. One of the samaneris sat on top of a bookshelf as I stood on my tiptoes to hand her the freshly cleaned glass panels to put back in the slots. I noticed they cleaned behind the couches, so that spider must be roaming around looking for a new place to make a home. My feet got so dirty from the dust in the library that I thought of the scene in "My Neighbor Totoro."

I couldn't help but document it

Dinner was unexpectedly awkward. I ate with the cooks and I felt disrespectful with my bowl of cereal. It helps to have some food that reminds me of home for dinner, but I could not say that to them with my usual hand gestures.

We did the marathon chanting tonight and some visitors came for a workshop that starts tomorrow. I think Venerable talked about me to them because she said my name and then used the word "farang" a couple times, which means Westerner. I was surprised because I thought it had a negative connotation, but I looked it up in my Thai phrase book afterwards and it simply means Westerner.

Day 24: Getting Weary

I did not feel so well this morning and finding a hair in my breakfast did not make me feel any better. I went back to my room, finished “Thai Women in Buddhism” (written by the abbess when she still taught at Thammasat University), and then promptly fell asleep until 10:30 am. I helped out before and after lunch by cleaning the plates. This meal was better, even though it was pretty spicy. I have learned that if I eat something spicy, my taste buds go numb for a bit and I no longer taste the spiciness. The cooks joke that I can eat much more Thai food now, which is definitely true.

I checked my email in the library and at 1 pm, three samaneris came into the room and mentioned English class. I did not think I would start again until July 18^th, but I decided to just wing it. We ended up talking about some relevant topics, like religion. Apparently Thais think that all Americans are Christian, Catholic, or Protestant? They all seemed very surprised and excited to hear that I consider myself Buddhist. I found it a little amusing to think that I would come all the way to a Buddhist wat in Thailand and chant verses in Pali every morning and night for two months as a Christian.

At 3:45 pm, it started to rain heavily. I ran back to my room and opened the package from home. Elena made me a white, linen outfit to wear at the wat and I was overjoyed to see that it fit perfectly for what I need here. 

Attempted picture in my room after wearing the new outfit that day

I took a shower, washed some clothes, put on my new outfit, and ate dinner before chanting. Unfortunately, I did not enjoy tonight’s meditation. My back and neck hurt, making it hard to sit through the dharma talk in Thai. When I got back to my room, I read the 7^th Harry Potter and I actually became too scared to sleep with the lights off. I decided to keep them on and I woke up at some point in the night and felt safe enough (or just sleepy enough) to turn them off.

Day 23: Sweet Nothings

I woke up around 4:50 am and was at the gate around 5:15. The students were just getting off the bus and I opened the library for them. I noticed a big difference in their energy level today. Yesterday they were getting worn out, but today they were completely exhausted. I was too...I fell asleep during meditation and woke myself up. I hope no one noticed.
Afterwards I helped prepare breakfast and we had the same as dinner. One of the Bhikkhunis said that I could accompany them to Pathom Asoke so I went in the front of the bus with my Thai friend.

 View from the front of the bus

Unfortunately I could not help much because I really needed to know Thai to help translate. I got to watch the video explaining Pathom Asoke again with the ridiculous, outdated music. They had some unnecessary scene from 9/11 to demonstrate corruption and I could tell that we (the Americans) did not appreciate it. There really was no need to show that clip.
Then the same monk with muscles answered questions from the students. We had 2 translators: one to translate his Thai into garbled English and my friend to translate that English into more coherent English. We met some middle school students who live in the community when we toured the eating area. They were shy yet they wanted to shake our hands and try English with us. They asked questions like "where are you from" and "what is your nickname?" The boys were much more playful than the girls, who acted more reserved. Students at Pathom Asoke eat 2 meals a day and wake up around 4:30 am. They go to bed around 9 pm. I do not know if I could have handled that rough lifestyle at 11 years old. They have 12 monks there and over 100 in the entire Asoke community. The monks, novice women, and some of the laypeople only eat one meal a day. That seems unhealthy and unnatural, but I bet they think the same about my diet.

Mushrooms drying out

I liked these catci...accidentally got my shadow in the picture.

Pathom Asoke's hospital

After the tour, we returned to the wat and the Dayton students loaded up the vans for Bangkok. I gave them all drinks and some of them gave some nice goodbyes. It was weird knowing that I will probably never see them again. My friend went in the van to Bangkok with them, so I said goodbye to her as well. I instantly felt the sense of loneliness once the vans drove off. The students represented America and they made me feel less homesick. I felt like less of an outcast with people just as tall and as white as me. They made me fit in and blend into a group. Them leaving felt like part of home leaving. There were some really nice students on the trip and I wish I could have talked with them more and gotten to know some of them better. I guess it would really be fate if I ever met any of them again.
After lunch, I went back to the room to cool off and get rid of my headache. I called mom and we talked until I ran out of minutes on my phone. I took a nice nap, then showered, washed my clothes, and ate some cereal for dinner. Unfortunately all the English books were on the 3rd floor instead of the 2nd, so I tried to chant from memory again. We had a meeting on the first floor afterwards and I will start teaching English lessons again at 1 pm. I do not know when I start, but I will be ready for tomorrow just in case.
I read some of my Thai phrase book before bed and came across the section about romance. The pick-up lines made me laugh quite a bit. The section for endearing terms like "sweetheart" was titled "Sweet Nothings." I found that a bit ironic because if you call someone a sweetheart, shouldn't you have true emotion behind it? I never thought of those terms as "nothings." It reminded me about the goodbyes I have said to people here. Are my encounters with these samaneris, Bhikkhunis, and visitors all "sweet nothings"? Perhaps I will never see them after they leave this wat, but I like to think that every person who makes an appearance in my life has some sort of purpose, some lesson to teach me. I do not believe in "sweet nothings" because nothing implies that you do not learn from your experiences. And what is life but a compilation of experiences from which we learn and grow?

Day 22: Eating Humble Pie

I woke up at 4:40 am to have a granola bar, put on my white clothing, and wait at the gate for the students to come at 5 am. They came at 5:15 am, but I tried not to feel bitter about the 15 minutes of sleep that I lost. After a tasty breakfast, we went to paint the big wall near the Medicine Buddha building. Once we were all nice and sweaty, we went back to the library and one of the Bhikkhunis taught us some tai chi. She made us turn off all the fans, so we did not enjoy the class as much as we could have.

 

Tai chi lesson: Building the pagoda move

I was allowed to attend the Question and Answer session with Ven. Dhammananda and watch a movie on women in Buddhism.

Q&A in the library

Around 4 pm, we returned to the wall and finished painting it a light blue. We had a shortage of paint and brushes again, so when I put down my cup to get a drink, I returned to find no cup in sight. As I looked for another one, Ven. Dhammananda came to take a couple pictures of the students. I asked how I could help more and she told me to give the visitors "whatever they want." I found this instruction quite cryptic, so I wandered around looking for something to do. When I encountered Ven. Dhammananda two minutes later, she said "What are you doing? They need help over there. Go help them paint!" Confused, I asked her where the paint brushes were, hoping she would tell me where I could get more. She replied, "if I knew, I wouldn't be asking you." She had never scolded me to such an extent and I completely froze. She told me to look for a brush somewhere and start painting. She returned a minute later as I searched for some tools with a roller in hand. Of course that would be my luck. She told me that it was just lying around and "you know, you are really not being helpful." Those words stung like venom in my chest. I remained silent and started vigorously painting the wall with the roller. In my next two encounters with Ven. Dhammananda, she scolded me for not painting the right area and then again for not reaching the top part of the wall. By the time I finished, blue paint splashes covered my work clothes. At least it looked like I had been helpful.
I ate dinner in silence, replaying the scoldings in my head and trying to tell myself to not take it personally. After evening chanting, I went with my friend to watch her give a traditional Asian Gua Sha (scraping) massage to the cook. She used a wooden spoon and some oil to scrap the woman's back until the skin turned red. It made me a little sick to my stomach, yet it fascinated me at the same time.
I went back to my room exhausted, only to find the newly ordained samaneri waiting for me to help another layperson with her English homework. I could not help but laugh at the passage - it was some ridiculous comparison of July and heat to "twin bitches" that "make you suffer." For someone not fluent in English, the passage would not make much sense. I tried to help the best I could to explain the metaphors and vocab of the text. The English-Thai dictionary definitely helped. Finally after explaining strut, flaunt, fade, wash out, explode, pavement, glow, and bitches, I returned to my room at 11:30 pm and quickly fell asleep.

Day 21: And it feels like home

I woke up at 5:10 and while I was finishing my protein bar, my friend knocked on the door to get the library key for the Dayton students. We did morning chanting on the 3rd floor again and the students were clearly uncomfortable again, but they made it through the service. Then 3 Bhikkhunis, 2 samaneris, my friend, the 17 students, and I all went out for alms. The students did a good job at not making noise and it was nice to not really do anything since they collected the food from the Bhikkhunis and pushed the cart.
It's funny how I still view alms rounds through American eyes, but today I felt self-conscious about the neighborhood. All the stray dogs, the rooster noises, the 3 trucks with pigs crammed in the back, the makeshift houses, the overwhelming smell of pig droppings - I got used to all this, but the Americans were experiencing it for the first time. I did not want the students to judge all that they saw, heard, and smelt as negative. I live here now, so I consider myself a temporary resident. If they attach negative feelings to their observations, then I will feel offended. I have grown to accept and enjoy this place for all its good and bad.
After a nice big breakfast, a couple of guys and I cleaned the spider webs out of the library. Watching them try to sweep all the spider webs off the ridiculously high ceiling was a riot. The table collapsed at one point and thank goodness the guy landed fine. They let the spiders out instead of killing them, which was also funny to watch. I tried to pick one up by the leg but the leg detached itself and the cripled spider could no longer walk properly. The leg kept twitching for a minute or two after the accident...it was quite a traumatic experience.

Longest broom ever

Then we tried to help with painting but there were not enough brushes so I got to talk to some of the students for a few minutes. They miss pizza too and experienced the ketchup packets with the Pizza Company too!
The cooks made fried rice for dinner - another special meal that we do not normally eat here. Although I sat with the laypeople who do not speak English, it was nice to have the English speakers around for dinner.