Day 7: Visitors, Hospital, and 7-eleven

My friend who showed me around the temple on my first day came back today to help show around a group of students visiting the temple. 18 young adults from nearby countries, such as Cambodia, Burma, and Sri Lanka came to meet Venerable Dhammananda. She helped the samaneri lead the tour of the wat in English. I find it amazing that everyone came from different countries, but could all speak English. I really enjoyed Ven. Dhammananda's lecture and I even got to take some pictures. I hope I can get a recording of the Q&A section to share with family.

Q&A in the library

It was nice to have more people around for lunch, even though the laypeople sat at a different table from the students. Once they left, I went to teach English class, but no one came again. It looks like I might not be teaching after all.
At 4 pm, I decided that it was time to ask Venerable to go to the doctor for my heat rash. Her sister offered her car and a nice volunteer drove us to the hospital. I found it funny that I left a Buddhist wat to go to Bangkok's Christian Hospital, which is actually in Nakhon Pathom and not Bangkok. I learned that nurses in Thailand still wear old-fashion nurse uniforms and lots of makeup. At least in the hospital that we went to they did.

I thought that taking a picture would be rude, but this is kind of what they looked like.

Credit: http://www.colorsmagazine.com/issues/67/67images/11.jpg 

They said that the doctor and nurse spoke English, but it was so choppy that I could barely understand it. Some of the doctor's sentences were not even coherent. The visit and medication cost 431 baht, about $15. That is even cheaper than a co-pay with insurance in the US, not to mention the medication!
On the way back, the volunteer took me to 7-eleven, perhaps the highlight of my day. I stocked up on so many snacks: banana cake, yogurt, chocolate milk, cookies, candy, mentos, etc. It made me feel like I could actually make it for a couple more weeks before a trip to Bangkok. The volunteer laughed at my pile of food and offered to take me shopping at the grocery store every weekend. I don't know if that will actually happen, but it was very nice of her!
For dinner, I made toast, which felt like a delicacy after so much Thai food. Evening chanting went well, but the dhamma talk for meditation had no English parts tonight, so I had trouble staying focused and keeping my back straight.
I also learned today that maggots smell rancid. I found nests of them in the all the corners of my room. I used a piece of paper to scoop them up and throw them into the grass outside. I might want to do a thorough cleaning of the room I live in now.

You can't run away from your problems

Unresolved problems act like shadows. It doesn't matter where you are in the world, they will still be there with you. I thought that location mattered, that when you leave home you leave behind your issues. This trip has taught me that you cannot run away from your problems. They come with you no matter the location and lifestyle that you choose.
Delta allows two carry-ons and two checked bags for international flights. But each person brings along invisible baggage - history that cannot simply be measured or scanned by some machine. Sometimes these bags contain what we love about a person: quirks, idiosyncrasies, secrets. However, sometimes they hold worse, like pent up feelings of anger, resentment, regret, and depression. You can be halfway around the world from home and this baggage can still weigh you down. You can still dream about someone who you have not spoken to in months because you know that you want to talk to that person again.
These thoughts remind me of the ants in my suitcase (please pardon my poor metaphor) because unless I stop putting food in there, the ants will keep coming into my suitcase. Unless the sun stops shining, my shadow will follow me as I walk. Unless I can deal with my baggage, it will come along with me on all my journeys.
So what is the right path to take with all this baggage? Do we try to get rid of some of the invisible contents of the bags? And if so, how does one get rid of something one cannot see? OR do we try to find people who can appreciate and understand the contents within these bags - both the good and the bad? Isn't that the idea behind finding the "right one" and having unconditional love from family and friends?
I like to think the latter, but doesn't life get tiring carrying around all this invisible weight, waiting and hoping for the right person (or people) to show? Maybe I knew all along that my unresolved emotions would come with me to Thailand. Maybe that is precisely why I wanted to take the trip. The true journey will not be checking my baggage in at the airport, but rather finding out how to empty some of the contents of my other baggage while here. Although I know I cannot dump out all of its contents, I hope to return home with a little less weight to carry. Or maybe even some tool that will help me carry it. In other words, I do not hope to return home without a shadow, just simply return with a smaller one.

Plane from Toyko to Bangkok

Day 6: "It's not like you're in a prison"

Today I was late to morning chanting...again. It's becoming a habit. I get there by 5:30 am, but I think they start early. When someone rings the bells, it does not mean "get up", it means "we will start chanting soon." After chanting, I went to put on bug repellent for alms round and unfortunately, they left without me.
At 10:30, we had afternoon chanting for the anniversary of Ven. Dhammananda's mother passing. Her son came with his baby, who is adorable. People brought so many desserts, which made up the main portion of my lunch. Ven. Dhammananda kept part of a waffle for me since she knew I missed Western food. It turned out to have corn in it, but I picked it out, closed my eyes, and pretended I was eating at a diner back home.
My mom sent me an email last night to comfort me and her first sentence reminded me that I was not in a prison. Ironically, we went to a prison today to donate extra supplies, mostly sanitary napkins for female prisoners. We took a picture with the guards, who seemed embarrassed to stand next to a huge pile of maxi pads. All the people walking into the prison wore hardened expressions. I wondered what each person's story was: is she the girlfriend of someone in there? Is that the family?

The donations at the prison

A couple days ago, Ven. Dhammananda asked if I could teach English class to some of the people in the wat. When we returned, I wanted to cancel the class because I did not feel very well, but no one showed up so it worked out nicely. I think they were working on making a cement sidewalk. When I took a shower today, I thought the frog that stayed behind the water bucket decided to finally leave. At one point, I started to notice the water not flowing and what do you know...the frog was holding on for dear life in the drain! I immediately stopped the water and he made it safely out. I actually had my camera from earlier in the day and managed to get a picture of him.

The frog as a drain stopper...

...thankfully he escaped

I finished dessert for dinner then went to evening chanting. They chanted differently tonight and I got lost for a while. After, we went to the Medicine Buddha and did a short chant 108 times. Ven. Dhammananda sprinkled us with water and gave me an apple and banana for my heat rash. She said they would work as well as medicine. I guess we'll see if they actually do help.

 Picture of the Medicine Buddha from June 20th

Day 5: Too much culture

4 bhikkunis came to visit the temple and they all speak English, which has been nice. Two are from Sri Lanka, one is from Burma, and the other is from New Zealand.
I got a heat rash on my legs from sitting so much while chanting, so I might have to go to a doctor. Between that and the culture shock, I decided to speak to the nice samaneri about my problems. She thought I should speak to Ven. Dhammananda, which was intimidating at first because I did not want to offend her in any way. I talked about how I was not used to the food and culture yet and how I missed home. She told me about how she was away from her family for a long time when she went to India at 17 years old. She said she cried at dinnertime for three months, but that the homesickness gets better. Ven. Dhammananda also told me that she has bread, butter, and jam that I could eat for breakfast. She offered some homeopathy for the heat rash and an extra mattress and massage from a trained samaneri for my hip pain. I felt much better after our talk, especially with the candy she gave me.
Later on, Ven. Dhammananda allowed me to listen to an interview with an American journalist. I took notes and got to learn more about her life and decision for ordination. Afterwards, I talked with the journalist and it was nice to speak English to someone from the East coast.
I wasn't feeling well that evening, so I missed evening chanting and went to bed early.

The Good and the Bad

I was missing home, so I decided to write a list about what exactly I love so much about home. Here's what I came up with (excluding the obvious like family and friends):
Fresh water
Hot water
Long showers
Air-conditioning
Mirrors (it's kind of weird not having any here)
Doctors
Proximity to NYC
Dishwashers
No visible bugs in food
Flush toilets
Laundry machines
Comfy beds/pillows
Clean dogs and vets
Democracy
Hand towels
Pizza
Variety of food
Cheese
Less mosquitoes

These are mostly material possessions that I took for granted before this trip. To make myself feel better, I then wrote a list of what I still have here in Thailand:
Food, rice, fruit
Birds chirping
Sun
Cool breezes (from fans)
Water
Showers
Hangers
Electricity
Internet
Cell phone
Skype
Proximity to city

I feel comfort in knowing that the list will grow as time goes on and I learn to appreciate my surroundings and not miss home so much.

Day 2: Still a Tourist

Today was the first day that I really felt homesick. I woke up at 5:15 am and raced to get ready for the 5:20 bells, but I was hungry from only having a power bar for dinner. As I walked into the room for chanting, I instantly regretted not eating another protein bar, even if it would have made me late. I felt so weak that I could not sit up straight or raise my hands in the proper position. After a painfully long morning chant session, everyone began to set up for the visitors from the International Buddhist Conference in Bangkok. At this point, I felt so faint that I said I was sick, got some water, went back to my room, and ate 2 protein bars.
The culture shock hit me and I began to cry. Witnessing the surrounding poverty, watching ants crawl all over my bags, listening to people talk in a language I don't know, and waking up before dawn to chant in that language - it was all too much to handle at once. The no wifi makes matters worse because I can only contact my house line with an international plan. I cannot send emails, check facebook, skype, or IM for communication. I truly feel isolated on the other side of the world. After a pep talk from my mom, I dried my tears and had some breakfast.

It ended up being an exciting day because I got to join the group of visitors. First, Ven. Dhammananda took everyone on a tour of the whole wat. Then we loaded a two-decker bus and went to Pathom Asok, a self-sufficient community of Buddhist monks living in small huts. I knew there was something strange when I saw a monk with some serious muscles. It turns out that they do their own manual labor (farming, building, etc.), so naturally they get fit in the process. I loved the simplicity of their houses, but I don't think I could ever be comfortable living in one.

Example of a house/hut at Pathom Asok

Next, we went to the Golden Pagoda, otherwise known as Phra Pathom Chedi. Venerable Dhammananda was very knowledgeable about the history of the buildings and she gave us a tour. The myth she told regarding this stupa sounded awfully similar to Oedipus - he killed his father and was going to marry his mother. Only in this story, milk came out of his mom's breast, confirming that she was his mom and he killed his guardian instead...

Phra Pathom Chedi

Apparently, they actually redid the building by adding a layer on top of the building that was already there. They had a painting that shows the original white chedi and the new golden layer. I managed to get Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo in the picture. She is a leading woman in Buddhism and at one point, she took my arm and asked where I am from. When I said America, she asked why I chose Wat Songdhammakalyani. That sums up the conversation, but it was still exciting.

Painting of the original and new chedis

There was also had a reclining Buddha. It seemed so tiny compared to the one at Wat Pho, but then again that is the largest reclining Buddha in the world.

 Reclining Buddha at Phra Pathom Chedi

At the end of the tour, a woman offered to take my picture in front of Phra Pathom Chedi. I did not expect the offer, but I accepted of course. This may be one of my dorkiest photos from the trip...although I still have 7 weeks left.

Phra Pathom Chedi

So it ended up being a pretty exciting second full day.

Day 1: More like week 1

I can't believe today was just one day...it felt like at least a week. Waking up at 5 am wasn't so bad, but I'm worried that I will sleep in one day. We started off with morning chanting, which would have been better if the "English" version wasn't so complicated. When I lose my place or they skip around, I am lucky to find the chant after five minutes. Breakfast was like dinner: rice, tofu, fruit, and vegetables. I miss bananas that aren't squishy and the size of my palm. I also miss breakfast food already.
Speaking of food, we collected alms from the local people after breakfast. I pushed the cart, which I think is the new person's job because the cart got surprisingly heavy by the end of the route. Locals scooped rice into the nuns' pots and then the laypeople (me and 3 other women) took the other food from the nuns. We brought along some water that Venerable Dhammananda blessed for people who offered alms. 2 dogs from the wat followed us most of the way and they met many more stray dogs. What struck me most about the alms round was the dedication of the people to the nuns. The people gave whatever they could, maybe even more than they could, to support the monastics. Although the Thai government may not officially recognize ordained women, the locals seem to think differently.
When we returned to the wat, we separated the food and prepared for afternoon chanting. A girl who spoke English taught me how to make the flower arrangement that we uses as an offering to the Buddha. People from nearby came to chant with us and we all ate lunch afterwards. It reminded me of when I used to go to church.
After the locals left, my friend showed me around the whole wat and explained the history of all the buildings. There was just enough time for dinner and a shower before evening chanting at 7 pm. I moved from the guest room to the single room next door.

 Writing outside my door...I need to figure out what it means

The mattress is a bit thin haha

Other side of the room 

When I shook out my sheets, some sort of salamander popped out and scared the bejesus out of me. Another salamander waited for me on the window of my new room. I guess I have to get used to living with some animal friends.

My newest friend